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"Too painful to cuddle, was like I'd lost my favourite teddy bear"

Kirsty Adlem is one of our runners for the 2012 Virgin London Marathon and this is her story:

It was Christmas 2006 when my Dad became ill, so, as well as preparing for Christmas, Mum and Dad were also running back and forth to the hospital. My brothers and I were aware something was going on, as Dad had not been feeling great for a couple of months but we didn’t realise that Dad had prostate cancer. At first I was calm and we all comforted each other, giving each other hugs. We were all aware that we were going to be in for a tough time, but at that point the reality hadn’t hit me. A couple of days later, though, it hit me like a lead balloon.  All I could think was, “Oh no, my Dad has cancer”. I was not thinking of him, just myself and how it was going to affect my life and the pain I was going to go through. This was man who had always been there for me and had supported me. The man I respected and who had given me so much advice. Suddenly, I had to be the strong one, not only for him but also my mum, brothers and our friends, but all I wanted to do was hide.  

After about a week of being in denial, Dad and I chatted and, in his lovely wisdom, he said, “It’s a lot harder for you, darling, than me. I can accept the situation as it’s happening to me and I can feel it inside.” To me that was the best thing he could have said, I felt he understood what I was feeling.  

The first year was tough; hoping the various different tablets and treatments would work and prevent my Dad from having chemotherapy. My Dad was a strong man, which made it easier, but for me as a 23 year old graduate looking for a job, having a Dad suffering influenced my decision about where I wanted to work, so I took a job in London and commuted daily.  Six months in we learned that Dad needed chemotherapy. This meant every three to four weeks; he would be feeling tired and drained. It was hard going to work on those days, knowing that my Dad would be feeling rubbish when I got back.

Living with it on a daily basis was tough on Mum and I, knowing Dad was finding it difficult to sleep at night due to the pain, his appetite was slowly decreasing and he was worrying about the future of his family. I use to get angry at my brothers sometimes, as I felt they did not understand what Dad was going through. I suppose it was easier for Mum and I as we lived and faced it on a daily basis. They had more of a shock when they popped round a couple of times a week.

One of the most painful times was when I went to give my lovely Dad a cuddle and it was too painful for him. It felt like someone had taken away my favourite teddy bear and I was never going to get it back. It must have been worse for him as he knew in his heart that the one thing that could provide so much comfort he couldn’t give.

Even though unfortunately my Dad passed away, I am, in a strange way, glad of experience, as I share my story with other daughters of this world and to tell all your female friends the importance of spreading the word of getting the men in our lives tested for prostate cancer and encourage research into this dreadful disease.

To support Kirsty <clickhere>